Every August has a ritual version of this moment: a bedroom emptied, a suitcase half-zipped, a kid trying to pretend they’re not nervous. I’ve watched it happen in our own home β my daughter left for college not all that long ago, and the box of books she “definitely needed” came back in May with half of it barely opened.
So when I came across six pieces of advice from Dr. Adam S. Weinberg, the President of Denison University and, like me, a parent of college students, I didn’t file it away under “sensible but forgettable”. I reread it, and then I wrote it out by hand, because some things are worth the ink.
1. Be fully engaged β in the work and the campus
You don’t have to be fully formed when you go off to college. You do have to be fully engaged.
In academics, that’s simple: you get out what you put in. Go to class. Actually read the thing. And take a wider spread of courses than you think you need β I’ve seen too many freshmen build a schedule as narrow as a Pinterest board. The wider the range, the more the college itself shows you who you’re becoming.
Campus life counts, too. Join the club you already love. But also sign up for one thing you’re a little embarrassed about β the a cappella group, the journalism desk, the indoor rowing machine nobody actually talks about. In high school you couldn’t try them. In college you can, and almost nobody insists.
Swasey Chapel at Denison University (photo via Wikipedia, Chamberednautilus).
2. Build a wide range of relationships
Freshmen tend to go quiet around authority. Don’t. Say hi to your professors β all of them, in week one, before lecture 2 becomes lecture 12 and your name stops registering. Go to office hours like it’s a social obligation because, gradually, it is.
The same move, with the people who run the campus: the dining staff, the librarians, the lab techs, the email from the financial aid office you were too scared to open. They will remember you. It’s not a secret, it just isn’t talked about enough.
And your peers should be genuinely mixed. The easy friends look a lot like you and think a lot like you. The stretch friends see things you haven’t β and seeing it, early, changes your whole third year.
3. Stumble out loud, early
The B-minus, the clumsy thing said at dinner, the project that landed harder than it should have: all of it is the point. If a semester goes perfectly, you’re probably not reaching far enough.
One of the kinder truths I’ve learned since my daughter left: the story students tell themselves in September β everyone else is calm, everyone else has it figured out β is almost always a fiction your roommate is in the middle of about you. Find the support early. Professors, advisors, the counseling center you walked past twice without going in. They’re there, and the second you go, it stops being a secret.
4. Build the habits, not the resume
James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, has a line I keep on my mirror: “Habits account for about 40% of our behaviors on any given day. Your life today is essentially the sum of your habits.”
Read that as a dress code for a semester. The sleep, the study rhythm, the morning routine β these are what compound, not the resume line item that looked impressive to your aunt at Thanksgiving. If year one is running on vibes, year two will run on debt.
5. Bring curiosity instead of defensiveness
Walk in with an open question mark, not a closed door. The swap is simple, and it’s the one skill I’d prioritize on a short list:
- Where you feel the sting of being wrong, be curious about what you just learned instead.
- Where you feel the heat of a new thing, be curious about the doing of it instead.
- Where you feel the friction of a stranger’s view, be curious about why they see it that way.
Curiosity doesn’t mean you agree with everything. It means the conversation can go somewhere, and somewhere is where you find out who you actually are.
6. Actually use the career office
This is the one I keep coming back to: most colleges have a career services office, and most students don’t. It’s the campus version of charging your phone in a place that has outlets. Book the appointment in your first year. Not for a resume review β for a map. Who’s who, what exists, where the door is before you need it at 1 a.m. your senior year.
One line from Weinberg on AI stayed with me: “The irony of AI is that it makes skills such as critical thinking, creative problem-solving, clear communication, and adaptability more important.” The tools keep changing. The human parts are the ones that keep working.
The Edit
Six rules, none of them a lecture. Engage fully, build wide relationships, stumble early, build habits, stay curious, use the office that’s already there. College is not a performance you get graded on for two years. It’s the first long stretch where you get to figure out who you are, on purpose.
FAQ
Do all six matter the same in year one?
They stack. Relationships (2) and habits (4) are the ones that build quietly in the background, so they’re the ones to start first. Career office (6) can wait until you’ve found your footing, but don’t wait until spring break.
Is there a way to do this without going to a four-year school?
The principles hold regardless of school type. The specific infrastructure β office hours, career counseling, specific campus clubs β varies, but none of the six depend on a specific classroom. Ask what the equivalent is, early.
What if my kid is already a senior?
Most of this still applies, and some of it applies more. Seniors are in the middle of the conversation, not the beginning. The career office becomes the least-known tool, and the wide-range relationships (2) become the ones people in the room still haven’t helped you find.
a note from Margot
I spent ten years editing magazine racks. I’ve learned that the best advice, like the best clothes, doesn’t need to be loud to land. These six don’t.
I spent ten years editing magazine racks. Now I edit your closet.
Related: if your brain is already full of your kid’s care-package logistics, check the rest of The Daily Edit before you start over-packing.
